in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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