holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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