Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
