How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
