Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
