Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
