she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
