the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
