i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did I show you my penis last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
