There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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