dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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