I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
