suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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