You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Life is so much better after having sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
