You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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