You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
