anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
