Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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