And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
