every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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