i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
