how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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