Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
