i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
