I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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