You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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