so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
tell me about the eggs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
