she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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