I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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