he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
