there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
