Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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