everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
