i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
