Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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