dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
