You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
