we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
