More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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