I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
