Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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