I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
