I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
