we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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