Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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