Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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