Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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