My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
