When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize