ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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