Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
