It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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