"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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