I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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