I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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