i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
