in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
