i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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