Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
