i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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