P.S. I can't hear my feet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
