great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
