doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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