I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
