vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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