i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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