You just made me feel so damn special
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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