i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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