At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
