nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
