So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
