It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
