I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
