Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
