Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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