Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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