sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
