I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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