good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
