my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
