At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
