so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
