she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
