im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
