i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
