I can tuck mytits in my pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
