So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
